His name was Mark and he lived in a college town about 120 miles northeast of Jackson. He was a landscape architect . We became fast friends on the phone and he called every night. He made me laugh and remember what it was like to have a man in my life. I fell in love with him even though he never posted his picture.
Not posting his picture should have been the first clue but I never caught it. I'm such a trusting woman that I just never did. I once took a personality test that said I had the same personality as Gracie Allen. Yep,I'm the blond personality with reddish brown hair. Like I said in the first sentence,I never caught the clues. He was married...
He only called around midnight. I would lay in bed and wait for that phone to ring,just thinking that he was a real night owl. Several times he hung up suddenly. He never wanted to come see me ,even though he claimed that he was in Jackson frequently on business. He only e/mailed using his work address and closed me off on e/harmony. He never wanted to show me his picture.
He told some whoppers too,things I believed at the time but now realize they were ridiculous. He said he was OCD. Told me he got burned badly in an accident and that's why he didn't want me to see his picture. Said he had thrown his wife out of the house when he caught her in bed with some surgeon who was their friend. Said he did that and then threw her clothes on the porch and changed the locks so she couldn't get back inside.
He also said he owned a landscaping business and didn't advertise and I couldn't find him in the phone book... How many people do you know who own a business and do that ?
I never did google him but I should have. I don't like to google people,if they want to tell me something about themselves I want them to tell me with their own mouth.
Mark disappeared suddenly. I wrote him for a while but then eventually moved on to another match.
My brother's college room mate lived in the same city as Mark lived while all this was going on. Several months after Mark disappeared I got to talk to this room mate. He told me that his wife was on a tennis team with Mark's wife and as far as he knew everything was fine and they were still married. BUSTED
I was also matched with a real estate developer from the same town as Mark. This new match didn't work out for me but I did find out that Mark does not own a landscaping business. And he didn't get burned and he was married...
Another lesson learned... Next chapter is about a match who I may never meet but who was the best writer in the bunch-and is still my friend even though he's happily dating the love of his life(and I'm happy for him)
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
The First Match(March 2006)
It looked so easy on television. All you had to do was fill out this personality profile and they would match you with men who were perfect for you based on that profile. It sounded wonderful to a woman like me who had always been the chubby girl who didn't date much and was shy around men because of it.
It was March 2006. I had just finished losing 90 lbs on Weight Watchers and was shopping in the petite department and buying size petite mediums. But I never got it through my head that I looked good enough to attract a man. I should have gotten the clue-a group of college boys once whistled at me when they pulled up behind me as I was unloading my SUV . But I didn't and so I thought the only way I could meet someone special was if I filled out those questions and joined the dating website that promised you would meet your soulmate. So I did . Not only that but I paid for a whole year of it,thinking that surely within that year Prince Charming would come across my computer screen. Little did I know that the year would turn into three years and numerous dating websites.
I hadn't dated in over 20 years so I was a little out of practice. Not only that but I had spent those years teaching classes full of young children. The nearest thing to a cuss word I heard all day was "dummy" and the biggest insult was telling someone you wouldn't invite them to your birthday party. I was naive and trusting-too much so for my own good(I still am but I'll discuss that later).
I sat there that first day and watched the screen as the names of about 10 men who were my first matches popped up. I'm changing the names and locations... The restaurant owner from Brandon,Ms. Nearby but I knew who he was from the photo in front of his restaurant. I taught his niece when she was 5. No thank you(and that's all I'm sayin)... Somebody from Millington,Tn ,which is close to Memphis. Good,I used to live in Memphis and it might be fun to move back. BUT this guy wanted a woman who would hunt,fish and be his farm hand. No thank you,I'm too much of a girly girl for that and can't even bait my own hook. Several others. And one named Philip from a neighboring state. I read his profile, commercial real estate developer,active in his nondenominational church and involved in right to life ministries .Hmm.I thought.
So I asked to communicate with Philip,even thought being the first to initiate contact was against my better instincts. He replied with the first set of questions. I was thrilled. I was so thrilled that I went to the bookstore and read the Max Lucado book that he said was his favorite . We exchanged our must haves and can't stands, They fit perfectly. I got exactly one real e/mail from him that we exchanged through the website. I wrote back and then he disappeared.
Little did I know but Philip was the first of many men who did that. They would act interested,exchange an e/mail or two and then vanish. That's the first thing I learned about online dating. Men can look at you and talk a bit and then move on when the next woman they are attracted to pops on the screen. Once in a while it works but with 90% of the men this is what happens....
SO here I sit. Still single and about 50 lbs heavier from sitting in front of the computer. Enough said. I stocked up on Lean Cuisines and fruit this morning and now I'm off to enjoy being outside on this gorgeous day.. :-) My prayer is that this is my new habit instead of online dating..
Next post will be about the first match I actually talked to- its a doozy....
It was March 2006. I had just finished losing 90 lbs on Weight Watchers and was shopping in the petite department and buying size petite mediums. But I never got it through my head that I looked good enough to attract a man. I should have gotten the clue-a group of college boys once whistled at me when they pulled up behind me as I was unloading my SUV . But I didn't and so I thought the only way I could meet someone special was if I filled out those questions and joined the dating website that promised you would meet your soulmate. So I did . Not only that but I paid for a whole year of it,thinking that surely within that year Prince Charming would come across my computer screen. Little did I know that the year would turn into three years and numerous dating websites.
I hadn't dated in over 20 years so I was a little out of practice. Not only that but I had spent those years teaching classes full of young children. The nearest thing to a cuss word I heard all day was "dummy" and the biggest insult was telling someone you wouldn't invite them to your birthday party. I was naive and trusting-too much so for my own good(I still am but I'll discuss that later).
I sat there that first day and watched the screen as the names of about 10 men who were my first matches popped up. I'm changing the names and locations... The restaurant owner from Brandon,Ms. Nearby but I knew who he was from the photo in front of his restaurant. I taught his niece when she was 5. No thank you(and that's all I'm sayin)... Somebody from Millington,Tn ,which is close to Memphis. Good,I used to live in Memphis and it might be fun to move back. BUT this guy wanted a woman who would hunt,fish and be his farm hand. No thank you,I'm too much of a girly girl for that and can't even bait my own hook. Several others. And one named Philip from a neighboring state. I read his profile, commercial real estate developer,active in his nondenominational church and involved in right to life ministries .Hmm.I thought.
So I asked to communicate with Philip,even thought being the first to initiate contact was against my better instincts. He replied with the first set of questions. I was thrilled. I was so thrilled that I went to the bookstore and read the Max Lucado book that he said was his favorite . We exchanged our must haves and can't stands, They fit perfectly. I got exactly one real e/mail from him that we exchanged through the website. I wrote back and then he disappeared.
Little did I know but Philip was the first of many men who did that. They would act interested,exchange an e/mail or two and then vanish. That's the first thing I learned about online dating. Men can look at you and talk a bit and then move on when the next woman they are attracted to pops on the screen. Once in a while it works but with 90% of the men this is what happens....
SO here I sit. Still single and about 50 lbs heavier from sitting in front of the computer. Enough said. I stocked up on Lean Cuisines and fruit this morning and now I'm off to enjoy being outside on this gorgeous day.. :-) My prayer is that this is my new habit instead of online dating..
Next post will be about the first match I actually talked to- its a doozy....
Monday, August 24, 2009
And why I QUIT online dating
Its a terible waste of time,energy and money. I do enjoy the several friends I made on e/harmony and still stop and check on the one I met on singlesnet but other than that I'm done.
I decided this when a friend of mine got me to look on match (for freee-I didn't join) so she would know if her boyfriend was still on there. He was. Not only was he still on there BUT he sent me a wink..
And whats up with those silly wink things anyway? I promise the only reason men ever give me those is because I have a big bust but they don't want to talk to me... Argh..
I decided this when a friend of mine got me to look on match (for freee-I didn't join) so she would know if her boyfriend was still on there. He was. Not only was he still on there BUT he sent me a wink..
And whats up with those silly wink things anyway? I promise the only reason men ever give me those is because I have a big bust but they don't want to talk to me... Argh..
Friday, February 6, 2009
Why I'm doing this
Three years ago I joined e/Harmony after falling for those ads that promise you'll be matched with your soul mate and find everlasting true love. Three years, 5 other dating sites and more money than I care to think about here I am, still single,still hoping that maybe the next man I meet just might be the right one.
Its been a bumpy ride. The first man I met was married and it took me a long time to finally admit to myself that this was true. Several months later I met a man from his hometown(online ,of course) who confirmed my suspicion
It hasn't been a very healthy ride,either. I don't mean emotionally(although it has certainly been emotional at times),I mean literally. My rear end has often sat on the computer looking at profiles and talking to men instead of exercisng .Which makes things worse because most men are looking for a perfect figure,whether they admit it or not.
And then theres the looking thing. Men like to look. So do women for that matter. In the old days you'd meet somebody at church or school or a party. If you liked each other you decided to go on a date and when you got home from that date there weren't 5 e/mails from other people wanting to meet you on a dating site. You didn't have the option of flipping people like you were flipping channels,you had to stop and be with them awhile before you decided whether or not to pursue the relationship any further. And because you can change who you're interested in with a few clicks of a mouse you can miss some of the nicest,most wonderful people in the world and give good looking jerks a chance they don't deserve.
Because I have a less than perfect figure I've often been overlooked. Go figure. I'm smart,witty, love to have fun and have much to offer a man. The only reason this hasn't broken my heart is because I have enough confidence to know that I'm okay with or without a man and the faith to know that God had a good reason to not allow certain relationships to go any farther than friendship.
Hope springs eternal. And I still believe the fairy tale can happen to me one day when I least expect it which is why I no longer look for it with every man I encounter.
I'll write more later. Its a beautiful day and I think I'll go out in my beautiful neighborhood and walk off a few inches caused by the overdose of online dating.
But will the overdose keep me from trying and pursuing each new person I'm interested in? Absolutely not.... I still believe in love and I still enjoy having new friends even if nothing else works out...
Betsy Bug
Its been a bumpy ride. The first man I met was married and it took me a long time to finally admit to myself that this was true. Several months later I met a man from his hometown(online ,of course) who confirmed my suspicion
It hasn't been a very healthy ride,either. I don't mean emotionally(although it has certainly been emotional at times),I mean literally. My rear end has often sat on the computer looking at profiles and talking to men instead of exercisng .Which makes things worse because most men are looking for a perfect figure,whether they admit it or not.
And then theres the looking thing. Men like to look. So do women for that matter. In the old days you'd meet somebody at church or school or a party. If you liked each other you decided to go on a date and when you got home from that date there weren't 5 e/mails from other people wanting to meet you on a dating site. You didn't have the option of flipping people like you were flipping channels,you had to stop and be with them awhile before you decided whether or not to pursue the relationship any further. And because you can change who you're interested in with a few clicks of a mouse you can miss some of the nicest,most wonderful people in the world and give good looking jerks a chance they don't deserve.
Because I have a less than perfect figure I've often been overlooked. Go figure. I'm smart,witty, love to have fun and have much to offer a man. The only reason this hasn't broken my heart is because I have enough confidence to know that I'm okay with or without a man and the faith to know that God had a good reason to not allow certain relationships to go any farther than friendship.
Hope springs eternal. And I still believe the fairy tale can happen to me one day when I least expect it which is why I no longer look for it with every man I encounter.
I'll write more later. Its a beautiful day and I think I'll go out in my beautiful neighborhood and walk off a few inches caused by the overdose of online dating.
But will the overdose keep me from trying and pursuing each new person I'm interested in? Absolutely not.... I still believe in love and I still enjoy having new friends even if nothing else works out...
Betsy Bug
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